“But i lacked the courage and she had a boyfriend and i was gawky and she was gorgeous and i was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. So i walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, i was drizzle and she was a hurricane.”—John Green’s Looking For Alaska (via spell-binding)
Over the next few weeks I will be sharing many of my personal favorite blogs in a series of posts. This week I will be presenting photographers that I’ve found here on Tumblr. In the weeks to come I’ll also be covering art blogs, artists, and possibly another category if I think of something. So…
In these quiet moments at night I tend to break down and cry. I’m not exactly sure why but I think it’s because I’m so overwhelmed with stress, anger, hurt, sadness…I just don’t feel as much anymore except now at random moments. It kinda just all pours out at once. I hold it in so well cause I wanna be tough but then I crumble. I have so much left over grief from what has happened to me. I feel as if I can’t make it into the next day. I don’t have the support or love I need right now from anyone. I was literally taken for granted, abused, and left with nothing and nowhere to go. Now that I’m able to make ends meet somehow, why do I still feel so beaten up?
I haven’t cried like this in months. I just received a forwarded email from my mom that was originally sent by my uncle Jan. He has been fighting lyphoma for a few months now and has gotten worse. I guess this email is to tell us in a positive way that he is giving up and letting the cancer win. He doesn’t want visitors or to do anymore chemotherapy treatments. I don’t blame him. He must be so miserable and his spirits must be so low right now. I just wish I could take his place. Why was I so lucky? If I could take all the strength I have and give it to him, I would. He’s the only relative (besides my grandpa) that carries my Japanese heritage. He’s my grandpa’s only living family so I’m sure he’s heartbroken. How many more loved ones am I’m gonna have to lose to an illness? I guess all I can do now is pray for him and his salvation before his time is up…
Kay, so I’m a bit annoyed lately with all this obsession and infatuation. Maybe I didn’t make myself clear- I don’t care how handsome you are, how much money you make, what job you have, where you graduated from, the car you drive, your ethnicity, how much you “love” me, the huge favors you do for me without me asking, or how many times you tell me I’m beautiful.
This does not catch my attention. Why?
Because I’m not asking to be rescued or taken care of; I can take care of myself. I depend on me and only me. My car, my bills, my furniture, my clothes, my phone, it’s all mine, I don’t need to rely on anyone but myself. And you being a doormat just makes me uncomfortable and hard to respect you as a man. I would never intentionally take advantage of someone so don’t put me in that sort of position.
If you wanna get my attention try this: tell me things about yourself that I don’t know, share your passions, take me somewhere I never been, find my ticklish spot, listen, open my door, try something new with me, make me laugh, get to know me, learn what I love, respect me, respect yourself, if you have a good heart, then show it. Sorry to be so blunt, I’m just tired of hearing the same thing over and over again.
I need to stop going out so much and drinking. I keep saying I won’t do it again ever since I woke up on the sidewalk yacking my stomach acid on the curb, yet I keep giving into the peer pressure. =\ And I’m drinking just to forget my stress which is no bueno….